Each time I hear the news of another woman being murdered by the hands of someone who claimed to have love them, my heart drops! Love doesn’t hurt. Yes, I understand that love can sometimes take you through some things, put you on a roller coaster ride of emotions or even cause you to do some stupid things. However, love should never give you the right to take another person’s life. Look, I don’t want or need the type of love that makes you feel, ‘if you can’t have me no one can’. I don’t want or need the type of love that makes you put your hands on me in order to feel more of a man. I don’t want nor do I need the kind of love that has to be shown by leaving marks on my body. I don’t want nor need the kind of love that leaves me damaged for life. That’s not love for the bible says in 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” Loving me by instilling fear is abuse and abuse is real! It doesn’t go away because we don’t talk about it. This is why we’ve got to start teaching our women and men (young and old) what the signs are. We’ve got to educate our children on what’s acceptable and unacceptable in a relationship.
Please understand, I’ve never been in a physically abusive relationship so I will NEVER tell someone how to handle theirs. For one, it’s not as easy, as those of us on the outside looking in, seem to think. You can say what you want but it is not easy walking away from an abusive spouse (male or female). This is why, sometimes, we have to keep our mouth. Folk who have never been abused are quick to say, “I don’t know why he/she won’t leave that boy/girl alone,” but that’s easier said than done. Don’t you understand that most times the abused person has to walk away with nothing including their dignity? Only to leave from depending on their abuser to now having to depend on somebody else? We say, “I’m not getting in their business because he/she is going right back,” but have you stopped to think maybe they have Stockholm syndrome? (The psychological tendency of a hostage to bond with, identify with, or sympathize with his or her captor.) So, if you don’t know how to effectively help an abused woman/man shut up and find someone who does, all while praying they’ll eventually find the strength, courage and stability to get out before it’s too late.
Love doesn’t hurt and if you’re in an abusive relationship, get help. I don’t want to see a hashtag precede your name. I don’t want you to be another statistic. If you need help, contact the local abuse shelter in your area. Or visit www.thehotline.org or call 1-800-799-7233. If you need prayer, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.